Crochet · Fibromyalgia · Life

Forty-Something Seeking Calm

The person I’ve become doesn’t much resemble the person I used to be. Sometimes I wonder how much of that is aging and how much of it is chronic illness.

I’ve always been an introverted person, needing my alone time to recharge, but I still enjoyed going out regularly, dinner, drinks, live music, dancing and other events. But somewhere along the way, I lost the desire to do any of those things. Going out requires me to look nice, which stresses me out and puts me in uncomfortable clothes and shoes. It usually places me in a crowded environment, the lights, the smells, the sounds and the vibes trigger sensory overload. If I have a drink to relax, my body quickly reminds me that alcohol makes me flush and sweat. Put all those things together and the inevitable anxiety ruins me. It is no fun at all. I’d rather just stay home.

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These days, I spend my evenings devouring books and crocheting something beautiful like this star blanket. I guess I should feel like a bore, but I literally get excited thinking about the quiet, mindless focus that comes about. Husband and daughter downstairs watching a movie, sword fighting, having a dance off or some other craziness and  all I have to do is relax. I think I spent the first half of my life seeking stimulation and will spend the second half, seeking calm.

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I just love this blanket! I made it earlier this winter, as a car/lap blanket for my daughter.  The nature of the pattern is loose and drapes nicely, so it also makes a great baby blanket. It is a simple project and works up very quickly. I tried a few different patterns, but the points weren’t sharp enough for my taste. Then I found THIS fantastic youtube video… You should make one!

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I hope you are all having a great week!




19 thoughts on “Forty-Something Seeking Calm

  1. Wow! First of all, what a beautiful blanket!! It’s gorgeous, it’s bright, and I’ve never seen one like it! Wonderful job on that! I have to ask, does crocheting affect your hands at all? I started crocheting this past year, and now I can’t anymore (or for a while at least), because I now have tendinitis in both hands. 😦 But I love crocheting. I can relate to your post in so many ways. I, too, am an introvert and am easily overwhelmed and stressed by the hustle and bustle of being in crowded areas, any place that’s too noisy, and am also super sensitive to strong smells. I often contemplate how different my life is now compared to 5 years ago, 10 years ago. And for me I definitely feel like chronic pain plays a big part in that. But I like how you touched on making a shift from wanting stimulation and being out and about, to now focusing on the calm. I think the calm can affect both the mind and body in healing ways.

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    1. Thank you! It does indeed bother me at times, especially when using a smaller hook. I take breaks and some days I just can’t bother with it all. Have you seen those “fatigue” gloves? I have never tried them, but wonder if they might help. That sensory overload stuff is a beast. It feels like an adrenaline response, fight or flight. I am learning to sense it coming on, but sometimes I forget to realize I am getting overstimulated and just completely melt down. Embarrassing! As always, I am sorry you can relate, but so glad to have you here 🙂

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  2. I totally know what you mean! I’d have to crochet for just a short period of time each day, or take a few days to a week off from it just to rest my hands. I don’t want to give up my creative pursuits, so I started learning about arm knitting. Although, my mind is, and always has been, in crochet mode. But I’m excited to try it. If nothing else, I’d be learning something new. 🙂 Oooh, I’ve never heard of fatigue gloves. I will have to look into that! Thank you for the suggestion! And thank you for the kind words. I feel the same way. It stinks that pain is what initially connects us, but at the same time, I’m grateful it’s brought me to a place where we can all connect, share experiences, and show love and support. 🙂

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  3. I absolutely love your star blanket – it is gorgeous. I also have found after rounding 40 that I want to have calm, peace, and serenity – more low key than in my youth. Thank you for your thoughtful post.

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  4. I like how you worked the blanket in variegated yarn. I love to work with variegated, too. I reward myself with crochet these days–it is very calming. It also helps me to listen in meetings and keeps me from sounding off! Begonia

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  5. I can relate so muxh. So many years have gone by and so much chronic illness and chrinic pain has come in. I have been altered. There is so much I can no longer tolerate and so much I cannot do any longer. On the other side is a different me, but once that I helped create out of the remaining crumbs of my life. I love what you have created with yours; a family, peace, comfort, and art. Wow, so impressed with it all.

    Good and healing thoughts to you and yours.


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