So I went to the doctor today to discuss my muscle spasms and anxiety and I came out feeling like I had just been on a roller coaster. I was sweating, confused and agitated.

She started right in with an offer of diazepam (valium) to relax the muscles. I told her that I think the overall anxiety is contributing to the muscle spasms. She then proceeded to tell me that anxiety has a root cause and identifying that cause can help you overcome it. And that is when I lost it a bit…I said “Wait, are you trying to tell me that this anxiety is NOT related to my fibromyalgia? That I have emotional issues I need to overcome?” I must have looked like a crazy person because she changed her whole approach.

I told her that my body is in a constant state of hypersensitivity to lights, sounds and smells. I can feel a physical response to this over-stimulation, tension in my neck and shoulders, sweating, agitation, and snappiness. She said that this is fairly common with fibromyalgia, as the whole disorder is thought to be a hypersensitivity of the nerve communication. So I asked her what’s the difference between multi-sensory hypersensitivity and anxiety? And if it is common with fibro, why are you telling me it is something I should, or even can, overcome?

Seriously…I just don’t get why the default is always that it is a mental/emotional thing ffsake. If you had to walk around with the first layer of your skin pulled back, so all your nerves were exposed to the the air and the sun, would your anxiety about the air and the sun be an emotional problem that you need to learn to manage? Obviously not.

I am stressed out and full of anxiety BECAUSE of the multi-sensory hypersensitivity and I need some relief before it or the pain it exacerbates, ruins everything in my life.

We smoothed things over towards the end. I do like her, she is very compassionate, she just needs to put a sticky in my file that says “caution: well researched; knows her shit”.

I will be starting with a low dose of BuSpar, a non-benzo anti-anxiety that supposedly works well for generalized anxiety. Very little side effects, non habit forming and no withdraw issues. So we shall see. *fingers crossed*

Have I mentioned how much I despise going to the doctor?! 🙂

xoxo